Getting Lost

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” – Henry David Thoreau

https://everydaypower.com/feeling-lost-quotes/

I have always believed that getting to where I need to be, especially in new places, is one of my stronger suits. Whenever I find myself in an unfamiliar place, I have always found it easy to get my bearings and decide on the optimal way to get to my destination. This skill or talent of mine gets tested intensely during the times that I have travelled in countries outside my own.

I distinctly remember using this skill the first time I travelled to Scotland back in 2018. As there is no direct flight from Cebu, part of my itinerary was to stop at Hongkong International Airport (HKIA) and board a plane to Heathrow. It was my first time in HKIA and there was only a brief moment to allow me to board the Heathrow flight. If you are familiar with HKIA, you’d know that sometimes you would have to traverse a meandering way to get to another place and might also need to take the airport train to transfer buildings. It was this route that I was to take as the Heathrow flight was to be boarded in another building.

Plane window looking out to Scotland

The first thing I thought about was my destination: the boarding gate. With this fixed firmly in my mind, I then looked for signs in the area that I could use to locate the intended destination or at least, something that could point me to the right direction. I remember having to pass thru at least one baggage control checkpoint and riding the airport train, and using several escalators to arrive at the boarding gate with minutes to spare, albeit panting from the effort of running to beat time. I was able to board the plane and proceed with my journey to Scotland.

Perhaps I was able to hone and use this skill because underlying this was the confidence that I will always find my way, no matter the puzzling and winding ways life puts in my path.

Now, I feel lost. Where has my confidence gone? The same confidence that allowed me to forge on, get my bearings and reach my destination? I am currently in between jobs. The last job I held was about 6 months ago. Without my confidence, I cannot look up and get my bearings. I cannot make sense of the signs life is showing me.

I do know what my goal is: to land a job. Once I get a job, I feel that I could get my life back on track, to resume my journey. However, it must not be just any job, but something that is aligned with my personal goals. If the job being offered is only meeting some of my goals, then I would not want to get tied up for a year at least, doing something that would bleed the life out of me.

I must trudge on. I must rebuild myself from the shards left after the hurtful incident. I may look broken but I could use the scars as proof that I have been to battle, and I have prevailed. Yes, I might be less of my previous self currently but I intend to diminish or remove the effects of my past failures. With my renewed confidence, I’ll be able to pick up from where I left off, always keeping the lessons I have learned in mind, as I walk towards a new future, to a new understanding of myself.